Comparing Your Life to Someone Else’s Life: The Problem and the Answer

“Lord, what about him? Why is his life easier than mine?” or “Lord, what about her? Why is she so healthy while I suffer?” or “Lord, what about him? Why does he live in a big house with lots of things and I don’t” or “Lord, what about her? Why is her family so functional and mine dysfunctional?” or “Lord, what about him? Why is he so successful in his pursuits while I seem to fail at so many?”

Comparisons. Questions about why things are different for other Christians. We all tend to measure our circumstances against those of other people. However, this aspect of fallen human nature can lead to all sorts of problems. We waste our time contemplating and comparing, and we cease following Jesus as He intends. We are too busy looking side to side rather than to our God in front of us.

Jesus counseled Peter in comparing and contrasting. Immediately following Peter’s restoration as beautifully outlined in John 21:15-17, we find our Lord preparing Peter for a great sacrifice. Jesus was reassuring his dear friend of forgiveness for the denial of a lifetime. Remember when Peter swore after the arrest of Jesus, “I do not know the man”? Recall that three times poor Peter denied His Savior. (Matthew 26:69-75) What a deep peace must have descended upon this disciple as Jesus now commissioned him three times to serve God. What a flood of hope must have swept over Peter as he walked again with His Savior. Yet, in the midst of the rejoicing, Truth called Peter to understand a difficult part of the future.

Jesus looks at His precious disciple and says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18, ESV) The Bible makes clear in the next verse what Jesus meant by these words: “(This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this [Jesus] said to him, ‘Follow me.'” (John 21:19, ESV)

Our Lord here tells Peter that he will be crucified for Jesus’ sake. He allows Peter to see that he will be a martyr for the Kingdom of God. And yet, this tough information was followed by Jesus’ command to “Follow me.” Christ did not tell Peter of the unbelievable task he would face in order to discourage him. Jesus did not reveal this part of the future and then say, “Give up” or “Turn back, Peter, because it will be too much for you.” No! Christ says, “Follow me!” In other words, Jesus knows that Peter will make it. Although crucifixion seems too much, our Lord knows the Source of His child’s strength. Perhaps Jesus here had in mind the words of Hebrews 12:2 (NIV, 1984), “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” You see, Jesus set our salvation before His eyes as He accomplished the unfathomable task of deity dying for sin. He looked to us as His motivation. Now, we look to Him as our motivation and strength.

Next, we encounter the great comparison. After hearing this news of his own martyrdom, Peter “turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved [John] following them . . . When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, ‘Lord, what about this man?'” (John 21:20-21, ESV) I chuckle as I read these words because I can hear myself. “Jesus, what about her? What about him? Why is my life more difficult or my way not as prosperous?” Can you hear yourself too? Oh, how blatantly human were the disciples of Christ! Peter has just had an intimate and healing encounter with Jesus and then heard of his high – but challenging – calling. No sooner did Peter turn around than he was comparing his lot to that of John! “Lord, what about him? Is he going to have to be crucified?”

Now, Jesus is the God of Truth – not psychological babble. He deals with the human tendency of comparison in a very direct way. He pointedly says to Peter, “If it is my will that he [John] remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:22, ESV) Wow! “What is that to you?” This rhetorical question of our Savior rings in my ears and resonates in my heart. I have heard Jesus speak it to me a thousand times since studying this passage of Scripture. If someone else’s way seems easier, what is that to you? If some other Christian’s life seems to make more sense, what is that to you? If someone else seems more successful, what is that to you? If someone else is healthier or more materially prosperous, what is that to you? If someone else seems to be more blessed than you according to your understanding of things, what is that to you?

In other words, we should not compare. On this, Jesus is abundantly clear. In essence, Jesus says, “Peter, don’t look at John’s way. Look at ME!” In following Jesus and not the lives of others, we find our peace and our fulfillment. In living out Hebrews 12:2 (cited above), we find our true joy.

In fact, Peter died a martyr’s death, having been crucified under the reign of emperor Nero. John, however, was the one disciple to die of natural causes after having been exiled to the Isle of Patmos and writing the book of Revelation. Nonetheless, despite the difference in their lives’ ends, both Peter and John had God’s joy and God’s reward. We hear the words of Peter as he writes to the people of God being persecuted in Asia Minor, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, . . .” (I Peter 1:3, NIV, 1984).

No doubt, we will talk with Peter and John in Heaven, and both will say what a marvelous thing is salvation! Both will recount the faithfulness and love of God. Both will testify to the goodness of God, though their lives were very divergent.

Do not look to the circumstances and lives of others. Do not look to the left at one person or to the right at another. Look straight ahead – at Jesus. And hear Him say of any potential comparison, “What is that to you? You follow me!”